Days 4 - 8: June 4th to June 8th: "Yellowstoned, Part III: The Great Yogi Consp-Bear-acy. Get it? That's Comedy Gold"

During my time at Yellowstone I saw two bears.  Supposedly.  One was a baby black bear and one was a grizzly bear.  Maybe.

At Yellowstone there was a huge emphasis placed on bears.  Not only for your own safety but for theirs also.  One phrase that stuck with me was "A Fed Bear Is A Dead Bear."  Obviously no wants to put down such a majestic beast.  But the Rangers had a 3 strike rule.  If the bear is caught misbehaving 3 times, then it would be put down.  Thank you Mister Ranger, Sir!

Despite the seriousness of the subject matter, I developed my own theory as to why bears were viewed as such a serious threat - the Anti-Bear Industrial Complex.  You see the ABIC has been perpetrating the existence of bears in Yellowstone in order to sell more anti-bear spray.

I first became suspicious when I was not mauled to death by a bear on the first night of my stay - despite not having bought anti-bear spray.  How could that be?  My fingers should have  been bear chopsticks, my large forehead, a bear bowl.

And then an even stranger thing happened.  Over the next few days not only was I not maimed by a bear, but I didn't even see a single bear.  What was going on?

Finally, on my second to last day I saw a baby brown bear from the side of a road.  It was very cute.  So cute that I suspect that it was actually some sort of animatronic teddy bear.

And on my last day I saw a grizzly bear about a half mile from the road in the middle of prairie grass.  It was so far out that the photo I took showed only a brown blur.  I was assured by a "tourist" that it was a grizzly bear.  Just note that I did not have a chance to discuss this "tourist's" affiliation with the ABIC.  Personally I suspect that the blur might have been sasquatch.

You might be interested to know that I'm writing this two weeks later on my last night in Yosemite.  Yosemite also has the same level of caution for bears.  Man, wouldn't that be ironic if I'm attacked by a bear on my last night in bear country after writing the Yogi Consp-Bear-acy?  I like to think that this will be my last thought before I die.

On second thought if anything bear related does happen to be tonight, then it might be the final act by the ABIC to silence me.

Stay vigilant people, stay vigilant.